Don't get it twisted now. I'm a self-professed yogi but as we well know, labels and claims can bring on the finger pointing and haters. Self-doubts, criticisms, well-meaning or not-so- well-meaning remarks, advice, comments.
I don't claim to be anything but who I am. And who's that, you ask? That's the question I'm pondering myself, by the way. The question, "who am I?" is at the core of a spiritual path. It can stop you in your tracks, rigid with fear. It can open you up to all the infinite possibilities. It's a navigational system that begins to set you forth on your spiritual path. It's a question that I've struggled to answer. That's before I realized that the answer doesn't come all at once. It's never a neatly wrapped dainty little package. It can come in waves, in ebbs and flows. But, isn't that life?
Parts of the answer comes in hurricanes, tornadoes, avalanches, and seismic earthquakes. Sometimes, we're too closed off to receive the answers. We resist, we fight, we negate, we protest. But, we started on the path and we must keep on steppin.
I'm a being set forth on a spiritual path and with it many adventures have ensued. It's a great blessing to discover that your outer shell, your looks, beliefs, thoughts, labels are not who YOU really are. They can all be shed to fully reveal who we truly are, what we are meant to do.
Maybe you've heard all of this before and you're thinking, "Not this shit again." I was like you once, thinking, save me the hippy, self-help, cosmic bullshit, thanks. I know. I know.
I know this about myself; I'm a compassionate, loving, peaceful, patient being. At the core, this is who I am. The connection to this is my compass. I'm real. I'm caring. I am intuitive. I am free to live a beautiful life of my design. I am the creator of my thoughts and actions. I am the light.
I am also the darkness, the shadow side that I've hated on for the past 39 years. I was told by one of my very first yoga teacher, you have to learn to love the dark sides of yourself. The parts of myself that caused me shame, disgust and self-loathing are now embraced and loved. I accept the not so beautiful parts of myself. I look pretty on the outside but boy, look closer, I'm hideous on the inside. That's what I once thought.
So, I don't shit sunshine and rainbows on a daily basis. I like to say FUCK sometimes. I get pissed off. I can react in anger and become aggressive when HANGRY! Don't test me on that one. I like to have a few drinks. I get testy and anxious. I have deep seated anxiety and have fallen into deep despair. I practice yoga so that I don't unleash the inner homicidal beast on people. I am a work in progress. I keep practicing because I believe that it heals and helps. I do the best that I can. I accept and honor who I am. I'm never going to be a Fucking Buddha! So get the fuck over it. I have!